in desperate need of some humor

I'm in desperate need of some funny, and I'm betting you are too, so, here you go!
Food Groups:

Government: fruits/vegetables, 5 servings daily; grains, 3-5 servings daily; dairy, 3-5 servings daily; meat/protient, 2-3 servings daily; fats/sweets, use sparingly

Baby (over 6 months): boob juice, whenever I'm not too busy; stuff I can fit in my mouth, eat before mom takes it away; stuff mom gives me to put in my mouth, alternate randomly 3-24 servings daily with throwing it on the floor

Average Toddler: simple carbohydrates and other bland colored food, as much as possible; junk food, as much as I can beg, borrow, or steal; green stuff, as little as possible and less when I can hide it behind the couch.

Picky Toddler: mac & cheese, 3-5 servings a day; hot dogs, 3-5 servings a day; pizza, when I'm feeling adventurious and can pick off anything that looks questionable; banannas, only when bribed

Average Married Male: whatever the wife cooks, 2-3 times a day, store bought stuff, whenever she cooks crazy stuff like vegetables; meat, as much as possible, potatoes, see 'meat'; junk food, whenever the kids haven't eaten it all.

Mother (of young children): whatever I can cobble together from what's left from the last grocery run, mostly what's left over on the kid's plate; leftovers, whatever husband didn't eat; food I didn't cook, daily servings? more like monthly; chocolate, as needed.